Teaching Kids to Earn Success: Insights from Neal Brown and Sonny Cumbie
It’s a tough lesson: the idea that success isn’t guaranteed, but earned. West Virginia University head football coach Neal Brown believes that kids need to "earn the right to be upset when they fail." Brown, along with Louisiana Tech head football coach Sonny Cumbie, believes in teaching children that success must be earned through consistent effort.
But how do you teach that to a generation seeking instant rewards?
These coaches are familiar with the pressures and pitfalls young athletes face, not only because of their roles in college sports but also as parents raising children in an era of instant gratification. They advocate for instilling a strong work ethic in kids, emphasizing the need to embrace the process and fundamentals before celebrating success. Here’s how Brown and Cumbie tackle the challenge of teaching these values to their own children.
A Lesson in Failure
One evening after a youth baseball game, Neal Brown found his son, Dax, frustrated and upset. Dax had struck out, and his team lost the game, leaving him feeling down. Brown used this as an opportunity to share an important life lesson with his young son.
“You can't get upset about the results if you haven’t put in the work,” Brown explained to Dax. It wasn’t just about the fact that he struck out; it was about recognizing whether he had truly prepared to succeed. This moment highlighted Brown's core belief: failure is a part of life, but the right to be upset over failure comes only when you've given your best effort.
For Brown, sports are an ideal environment for children to learn these lessons. The effort put into practice, the discipline of showing up consistently, and the resilience to push through adversity are all elements that help children earn success. This approach helps them understand that falling short isn’t a failure; it's a checkpoint to reassess their effort and preparation.
Key Takeaway: Teach your child that it’s okay to feel upset about failing only if they’ve put in the work leading up to that moment. This mindset shifts the focus from merely winning to valuing the effort and dedication it takes to earn success.
Fundamentals First: Cumbie on Working for Skills
Sonny Cumbie has a front-row seat to the changing attitudes of young athletes, not just as a college coach but as a father. His two sons are avid sports enthusiasts, yet Cumbie often notices that they, like many kids today, are more interested in emulating the flashy moves of their sports idols than mastering the basics.
“Kids don't want to practice fundamentals anymore,” Cumbie says. “My boys want to shoot threes like Steph Curry or copy the throwing motion they’ve seen on a video game.” He recognizes that kids today are constantly exposed to highlight reels and video game mechanics, which can create a skewed perspective on what it really takes to succeed in sports—or in life.
Cumbie stresses that before aspiring to make three-pointers like Curry or execute the perfect quarterback pass seen in "MLB The Show," kids need to dedicate themselves to the fundamentals. Dribbling, passing, catching, and footwork are the skills that form the foundation of success, whether on the basketball court or baseball field. Skipping this step in pursuit of instant glory only sets them up for frustration later.
Key Takeaway: Encourage your child to focus on mastering the basics before mimicking the advanced skills they see in professional athletes. Reinforce the idea that building a strong foundation is crucial to earning success.
Building a Work Ethic: The Role of Parents and Coaches
Both Brown and Cumbie agree that parents and coaches play a critical role in teaching children the relationship between effort and success. It’s not about pushing children to win at all costs, but rather instilling in them a love for the process and the understanding that success is earned, not given.
Brown often tells his children and players that it’s the work done in preparation—practicing swings in the batting cage, drilling free throws, running sprints—that gives them the right to feel disappointed when things don’t go as planned. This approach reframes failure as a learning opportunity, rather than something to be feared or avoided.
Cumbie echoes this sentiment. As a coach, he knows how easily kids can get caught up in the glamour of sports without realizing the effort that athletes put into perfecting their skills. He believes in setting an example, showing his sons the value of practicing fundamental skills and reminding them that even the greatest athletes started by mastering the basics.
Key Takeaway: As a parent or coach, emphasize the importance of the process over the outcome. Teach kids that effort, discipline, and preparation are what give them the right to be proud—or disappointed—about the results.
Making It Stick: Practical Tips for Parents
For parents looking to adopt a similar approach, Neal and Brooke offer several practical strategies:
Praise Effort, Not Just Results: Shift the focus from winning to valuing the effort and hard work. When your child puts in the effort, acknowledge it regardless of the outcome.
Encourage Practice Over Performance: Reinforce the importance of practicing fundamentals. Highlight how even the pros spend hours honing basic skills.
Discuss Failure Constructively: When failure occurs, use it as a learning opportunity. Ask your child if they feel they prepared fully, and discuss what they might do differently next time.
Model the Behavior: Show your children that you value effort and hard work in your own life. Share stories of your challenges and how you worked through them.
By incorporating these strategies into your parenting, you help your children understand that true success is earned, and with that, they gain a stronger sense of self-worth and resilience. As Brown and Cumbie have shown, the path to success is built on consistent effort, mastering the basics, and recognizing that disappointment is only meaningful when the work has been put in.
For more insight on parenting and leadership from the brightest minds in American sports, subscribe to Championship Parenting wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes are published every Tuesday.
